


Why Thorin Shaved His Beard

by Mawgon



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Cunnilingus, Dwarf Courting, F/M, Fluff, fem!Bilbo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-26
Updated: 2015-09-26
Packaged: 2018-04-23 09:48:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4872223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mawgon/pseuds/Mawgon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bluebell Baggins noticed that Thorin Oakenshield was rather handsome. She also noticed that he was a majestic asshole. When he suddenly starts to be nice to her, shaves his beard and braids his hair, she is sure he must have hit his head. When she mentions this to Fíli, he is not concerned, so there is probably no reason to worry, it is just some weird dwarf thing ... or is it? And then Thorin starts to practise fighting moves without his shirt on. Within full view of the camp. Oh my!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written for this hobbit kink meme prompt: 
> 
> http://hobbit-kink.livejournal.com/5821.html?thread=13883837#t13883837
> 
> I'm afraid this is going to be more humorous than sexy ... but I'll try my best.

Bluebell hadn’t really liked Thorin before. He was always so rude. Honourable and trustworthy, yes, she had to give him that, after the troll incident, but still, not nice. She had, however, noticed he was handsome. When he hugged her, and started to warm up to her a bit, she was rather pleased. At first. 

Then, however, she started to wonder whether he had gotten hit on the head. Not just was he nice to her for a change, he also braided his hair – his whole hair! – now, and had shaved his beard. 

One morning, she woke up at dawn, and saw Thorin ... she had no idea what he was doing, but he had no shirt on, and he moved in such a graceful manner ... was this weapon practice? It could be, but he was alone ... his sweaty body gleamed golden in the sun. 

And he wore ... flowers in his hair? Oh dear!

As beautiful as the sight was, it worried her some. Even moreso when Thorin noticed her and ... smiled. Where was his grumpiness?

Maybe something was wrong with his head. Same as what had happened to Bifur. For some reason, no one else seemed to notice. 

She looked around, and found that Fíli was awake, too. She gestured for him to follow her to some spot behind a tree where Thorin couldn’t see or hear them. 

“Fíli ... your uncle ... has behaved strangely, lately.” She bobbed up and down on her toes, too upset to stand calm. 

Fíli frowned. “You think so?”

“Well ... he started being nice to me, which I really don’t have a problem with, except that it is not normal. And now he braids his hair and shaved his beard ... shaving one’s beard is not really normal for dwarves, is it? I am worried ... do you think something could have happened to his head?”

Fíli chuckled. “You really think that is the most likely explanation?”

“... yes?” How embarrassing! It must be some dwarvish thing she didn’t know about. 

“Oh. I thought you ... you know, liked him?”

“I do! That’s why I am concerned! If this is normal for dwarves, please tell me!”

“Alright. You better sit down.” Fíli did so himself. “Uncle Thorin is trying to impress you.”

“Impress? Me?”

“Obviously. Apparently he has decided that you are worthy to be his spouse, so ...”

Bluebell blushed. “Me? But ... why ... he hasn’t said anything.”

“That would be rude.”

“I mean, he could give me flowers ...” Instead of braiding them into his hair ... although he did look very pretty that way. 

“Ah. Hobbits do that differently, then?” Fíli looks at her with some curiosity. “Giving you gifts would be considered cheating, you know? Bribing you to marry him. A honourable dwarf would not do that.”

“What is he doing, then?”

“Showing you that he’s a good choice, of course. Didn’t you notice how he likes to show off his body and hair?”

“Oh.” So that display of his gorgeous body was for _her_? 

“Hobbit males put less effort into this?” Fíli nodded slowly. “Makes sense, what with you having as many females as males. For dwarf women, there’s lots of competition. They can choose the best. Most males are wise enough to try and make a good first impression everywhere.” Fíli stroked his braided moustache. “Just in case, you know? We didn’t count on meeting female dwarves, but it is better to be prepared. Uncle always claimed to have better things to do, and look at him now ...”

“What about his beard, though? I thought you dwarves were so proud of your beards.”

“Oh, we are.” Fíli smiled. “Uncle Thorin kept his short as a sign of mourning ... and now, well ...”

“See, that is what worries me. Is he unhappy?” It didn’t really fit with his cheerful attitude lately, but if he had been hit on the head somewhen during the fight ...

“It could be a sign of mourning, but in this context ... I suppose he sacrificed his beard to signal ... but I cannot tell you that.”

“Oh? Why not? Is it something bad?”

Fíli chuckled. “No, no. It is just, you are so prim and proper and ... well ... it is .. naughty.”

“Do tell me. I am not going to be scandalized.” She had, after all, fought trolls and wargs and orcs, and she would not be shocked by a bit of naughtyness. 

“I think he wants to show you that ...” Fíli lowered his voice to a whisper. “... he is ready to go down on you.”

“Um. What? I am not sure I understand ...”

“You know ... a scratchy short beard would get in the way there ...”

“Oh – you mean kissing?”

Fíli shrugged. “Something like that”, he mumbled. 

“If he wants a kiss, why doesn’t he just say so?”

“Told you – it would be rude. Not even uncle Thorin is that rude.”

This was really unecessarily complicated. “So what am I supposed to do about it? I suppose there is an awfully complicated way of showing him that I like him, yes?”

For some reason, this seemed to amuse Fíli. “No, actually, not at all. You can claim him as yours any way you want. It is considered polite to make sure you are actually the one he aims to impress, first, but since there’s no one else around ...”

“Claim him?”

“Claim him. Show him he is yours now. If there’s some hobbit courting ritual you want to stick to ... do so at your leisure. With about three males for every female dwarf, we can’t be choosy, so there’s nothing you can do wrong.”

“What would be the, uh, traditional dwarven way to do it?”

“There’s not really one, as I said ... I have always entertained the fantasy that my future bride might want to pull me closer to kiss ...” Fíli stroked his moustache braids. “That’s why I wear those. But you can really do anything you want to.”

Without even asking beforehand? That seemed extraordinarily rude. But if, as he said, she could act like a proper hobbit would ... “Thank you. I should ... go talk to Thorin?”

Fíli gave her an encouraging nod, and she made her way back to Thorin. Normally, she would never ... but Thorin was really handsome. And really nice, if that was not him having gotten hit over the head, but him making an effort.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry ... I am somehow not really in a mood to write smut, so there's more silliness than smuttyness. Anyway, I hope you like it nevertheless! There was a prompt, which I cannot find anymore, about the female character being insecure about her ladyparts and how they look, so I included that, too.

He was just standing there, against the rising sun, his body still gleaming golden ... was that sweat, or did he use oil? 

“Thorin?” Oh dear, this was so awkward! “Are you ... are you courting me?”

“Not as such.” He stepped closer. 

She froze. Had Fíli misunderstood? Had she just horribly embarassed herself?

“There is no word in Westron for what I am doing, but ‘courting’ just sounds so ... crude and uncivilised.”

“Oh ...” What was she to make of this? The only thing she was sure of was that Thorin looked awesome ... the thick braid with flowers in it hanging over his naked shoulder ... and what a shoulder it was! “Fíli said you ... you might want to kiss me?”

Thorin knelt down so their faces were level. “I would be very honoured if you would grant me such a token of your affection.”

He was so majestic and formal and handsome! Remembering Fíli’s words, she gently grabbed the small braids at both sides of his face and pulled him closer. The fact that he had shaved his beard really did make this easier ... 

And oh, he did kiss like a king, too! Graceful and gentle, opening his lips for her to do with as she pleased – and it pleased her to explore with her tongue. 

When they parted, he breathed heavy, and she was reminded that his whole upper body was naked. 

“Uh ... a gentledwarf like you surely would not tell anyone if a lady were to take some liberties?” 

The grunt that followed was not really a satisfying answer, but the way he tossed his head back to expose his throat was tempting, so she did touch. His nipples were indeed slick from oil and hard from the cool morning air, and they grew even harder when she rubbed them a bit. The moan she then heard from him was a most pleasant sound.  
She kissed his throat. 

Now, that sound was one she had never heard before. She stepped back. “Um. Maybe you should not be so loud, or the company will wake ... oh.” At least Kíli was already stirring. 

“Maybe another time?”

Her behaviour was scandalous, but then – no one in the Shire would ever know. Besides, she traveled with dwarves, so adhering to their customs was only polite, was it not? And Fíli had told her to do whatever she wanted ... she wondered if he had meant that literally. 

Traveling meant that they had not that much time to spend privately. Thorin did ... whatever it was he did, every morning now. 

Bluebell was rather embarrassed about the dreams – and daydreams! – the sight caused. The most harmless one, the one she would maybe admit to when asked by a (female!) friend, was the one where Thorin stood at a forge and worked. Without his shirt on, of course. 

 

When Gandalf lead them to a house where they could spend the night, Bluebell was rather dismayed to find that Thorin decided to sleep in the corner of the house that was the opposite corner of where she had made her bed. 

Fíli sat down next to her. “Uncle has been rather grumpy lately. Is there a problem?”

“Not that I know of.”

“I noticed you haven’t claimed him.”

“How would I ...?” She had kissed him, had she not? And some rather more scandalous things, too. “I did kiss him, you know?”

“Not in public.” 

“I cannot possible ...” She felt herself blush to the tips of her ears. “With everyone watching?”

“It does not have to be that. Just some sign that you consider him yours. That would ... yes, Men would call that an engagement, I think. They use rings ... do you have any jewelery you could give to him, to display?”

“Jewelery? That would be quite useless on an adventure, now, would it? But maybe I can find something.”

“It would have to be something that is obviously yours ... well, think about it.”

The thought warmed her when she snuggled up under her blanket. Engaged. Now, she had always expected for it to be a male hobbit who puts a ring on her finger, but one must be polite and fit in with one’s company. If it was for her to decide whether she wanted to get engaged, then she would do so. 

Next morning was filled with breakfast and finding out who their host was, and all the new and interesting things. However, after that, she walked up to Thorin and asked him to accompany her on a walk through the garden. Proper hobbit courting behaviour. 

He nodded curtly and followed her outside. 

“Is there, uh, something wrong?” she asked quietly. Maybe Thorin _had_ gotten hit over the head and was now regaining his senses ...

He cleared his throat. “No, not at all.”

“This is a beautiful garden, is it not?” And it was all so big – she could have sworn that sunflower was almost as tall as Gandalf!

“Indeed, Miss Baggins.”

“Oh. I thought I had told you you could call me Bluebell?”

“My apologies. I forgot.” 

No, he was still his strange new self. Bluebell looked around and found a rather high bench. She climbed it while Thorin looked on, apparently curious about her intentions. 

“So. Now we can kiss and you don’t have to kneel down.”

Immediately, Thorin stepped closer and offered his lips for a kiss. She kissed him, chastely at first. But then he opened his lips, and she could not resist to sneak her tongue in. 

“That’s probably why Fíli said something about you wanting to go down on me ... because you need to kneel down to kiss me.”

Thorin stared at her. “That is not ... now what that means. And he should really keep his big mouth shut.”

“Oh ... “ She had suspected it had to be more naughty than kissing. “And what does it mean, then?”

To her surprise, he blushed. It looked rather becoming. “Uh ...”

“Tell me!” 

“I never intended to suggest that I would desire ...”

“What does it mean?”

Instead of an answer, he knelt down. His face was the height of her feet. “If you would sit down now ...”

She did so, and instantly noticed her mistake. She had been less than careful with her skirt and ... he could see her panties from there!

“That was not a request, Miss ... Bluebell. Merely ...”

It dawned on her. His seeing her panties was exactly what was meant to happen! Now, that was really naughty!

“I rather like this”, she admitted, and rested her legs on his shoulders. 

He blushed the colour of a ripe strawberry. “Do you?”

“Oh yes. Now ... Fíli mentioned something about you shaving your face in order to indicate that you were willing...”

Thorin growled. “I’ll rip his head off!”

It was an empty threat, she knew that by now. “Just show me what this “going down” entails, would you?” 

“If you do not even know what it means, you will not want me to ...” 

Ever since deciding that she was worth the effort, he had been very respectful of her boundaries. She liked that about him. So much, indeed, that her boundaries tended to ... change locations. 

“Are you implying I do not know what I want?” If it was something naughty, and he wanted to do it with her ... well, if dwarven bodies were not grossly unlike hobbits’, that would not get her pregnant, and gentledwarf that he was, he would not tell. So far, nothing spoke against it. She took hold of his hair. “You want to do it, don’t you?”

The expression of longing on his face was answer enough. Oh! She felt a delightful heat in her stomach and beneath. 

“It is ... true that a dwarf woman would see my new style of beard as ... offer, but that does not mean that ... I know hobbit customs are different, and ...”

“Fíli told me that dwarf women are very rare. And that male dwarves would do anything to attract one.”

“That is true ...”

“So, if you offer something to dwarf women, it must be something delightful. Why would you deny me?”

“It is ...” he cleared his throat. “You would not give someone food they do not like, even if others deem it delicious.”

“Why, of course. But I need to try something first, to decide whether I like it.”

He licked his lips. “It would require you to remove your underwear.”

“Oh ...” She had not expected that. Not that she didn’t want him to see her naked – that was one of the boundaries his majestic manners tended to move. However ... “My, um, ladyparts look weird.”

“The rumours about tentacles are true?” He didn’t flinch away, the expression on his face was one of curiosity. And lust. 

“Tentacles? Oh my, no, of course not.” She chuckled. “Not that weird.”

“I should like to see for myself ... if you want to, that is.”

Maybe she should not ... in public ... but then, the others did not seem too interested in the gardens, and besides, if she kept her skirt on, she was mostly decent. So, removing her legs from his shoulders, she wriggled out of her underpants. 

“And now?”

“It ... is much like kissing.”

“That’s good to know. I like kissing.” 

When he placed his head between her thighs, she had to admit it was a very good thing he was shaved smoothly. “Oh!” She took hold of his hair once again. “Do be gentle.” Teeth so close to her delicate parts ...

“You do not look weird at all”, Thorin murmured, and his voice vibrated in her body. 

“No? Are you disappointed?” What an irony that would be!

“No, not at all ... it has always been my favourite. Illustration number 122 in the big book on dwarf anatomy ... yours is a bit smaller, of course.” 

Hot breath touched her skin. “This is ... normal?” 

He gave a hum of approval. “May I touch?”

“Um ... yes?” She gently pulled him closer by his hair. 

A kiss, she had expected. What she had not expected was his lips wrapped around the very part she always had been secretly ashamed of. Upon reaching maturity, those ... folds of skin had grown too long, and now ... 

Now a hot, wet tongue was playing with them. 

When he started sucking, she could not hold back a quiet moan. 

Thorin’s head reappeared from beneath her skirts. “Something wrong?”

“No! Do continue! And ... if is is not too much trouble ... hold me?” She didn’t trust her legs. Or her hands. 

Strong hands wrapped around her hips and held her in place while Thorin dived under her skirts once again. 

Again, he sucked her inner folds into his mouth, so gently she hardly noticed the teeth, and ... oh!

She squirmed in his hands, drawing his head closer and closer. When finally she felt his tongue pressed flat against her, she thought she’d faint with pleasure. 

She did not, but she did have to bite her sleeve to not cry out, and she would have fallen if Thorin had not held her. 

He was just so ... handsome, and honourable and ... talented with his tongue. “Stay like this?” Fíli had told her to give Thorin some jewelry, and while she had nothing of the sort with her, she did have her hairbands. They were bright green, and could not mistaken for anything dwarvish. She quickly wove one of them into Thorin’s impressive braid. “Alright.”

When she saw him lick her wetness from his lips, she felt tempted to ask him if he wanted seconds. But no, once was quite enough of scandalous behaviour. She smoothed her skirt, hopped to the ground, and put her panties, which she had stored in her apron pocket, back on. “This was ... quite enjoyable.” She smiled nervously. “Maybe we can do this again, some time?”

He nodded, and excused himself very quickly, citing that he had business to attend to. Rather strange, considering that they were here for the explicit purpose of having a few days’ rest. 

She was a bit annoyed, as she would have had preferred to have him spend some more time with her, but did not think much of it. 

Bluebell went back into the house, and after a while, a grumpy looking Thorin entered, too. 

He had walked halfway through the room when all the dwarves jumped to their feet and gathered around him. 

She watched, blinking. Only after a while she could make out words. “Congratulations” and “Pretty new hairband, uncle!” and “When will the wedding be?”

When finally the dwarves returned to their prior occupations, Thorin was smiling brightly. 

Well, at least this time she could be sure it was not due to having been hit over the head.


End file.
